I get moments in my day where I think about all that I have done wrong to myself in the past 20 something years of my life. I don’t know, just follow me here.
It seems like I have always been that person who wants to make others happy. It is like that is where my happiness is driven from. Now there are somethings that make me happy but I don’t participate in those activities/hobbies as much as I need to.
My mom was blessed to put me in all sorts of activities since I was young. And I love everyone of them. I wanted to be successful in everything she put me in. The passion to do all those activities was overwhelming: theatre, ballet, soccer, piano, softball, singing (wasn’t the star but I had professional lessons and sang with groups).
But every time I got a negative comment about what I was doing, from my home church members to family members to other parents/adults, I shut down and drowned my passion with sadness and hate. When instructors wonder why I didn’t come back, I always made up an excuse to not go back.
Now I’m almost 24 1/2 years old and I realize that I could be so much happier if I just did what I wanted to do. I’ve been in my depressive state for awhile to the point that it is tiring and I’m running out of pills to put me to sleep.
So now, I have a little bit of personal encouragement and personal motivation to start doing the things that I want to do and hopefully keep Alexis’ spirits up so that no one can knock her down like I allowed others to knock me down.